


Guilty as Charged

by lureavi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Puns, Dirty Dancing, Drunk chess, Galaxy Garrison, M/M, Madashi, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Strangely the one dancing is the only sober one, Stripping, What Have I Done, and they were ROOMMATES, if you can call it that, workaholics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 22:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16861279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lureavi/pseuds/lureavi
Summary: Matt and Shiro are both worried about their applications to the Kerberos mission. They handle it in very different ways.Shiro's involves alcohol.Matt's involves a back-up plan of pole dancing, stripping, and a cop costume.(A.K.A. Matt takes after his voice actor and does the striptease from Workaholics for Shiro and Adam because I have no shame)





	Guilty as Charged

**Author's Note:**

> Matt has absolutely no shame whatsoever. Adam is shamelessly encouraging him. Shiro is dying from embarrassment. It's basically the start to a bad porno, just without the porno.
> 
> I kept as much from the original clip as I could without literally combusting in embarrassment. I’m still dying regardless. Speaking of which, here is [the original clip of Matt’s VA doing the striptease.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv708JJEEEw) I suggest you watch it whether you read the fic or not because it's fantastically hilarious but probably Not Safe For Work kiddos.
> 
> Special thanks to the Shatt discord <3 I'm so sorry I have no excuse.

Shiro was, by every definition, a nervous wreck. No matter what he did to distract himself, his thoughts would inevitably drift back to the Kerberos mission, his application, and the six days he would have to wait before he knew if he had even made it past the preliminary selection process. Even if he got that far, there would be another two weeks minimum of additional physical and mental testing to determine if he had what it took to pilot the most ambitious expedition of his lifetime.

There were two open spots on the mission. One for a scientist, but only one spot for a pilot like Shiro. Golden boy status be damned, he was biting his nails like every other applicant. Half of the garrison had applied.

Adam, however, was not among them. He would have rather perished on the spot than apply to be stuck in a tin can with only two other people for such a long period of time. He had a hard enough time living with his two best friends in a rather spacious apartment. It was in everyone's best interest that he stay well away from the Kerberos Mission, lest he actually be put on the mission and throttle a man half past Jupiter.

Though, his disinterest didn’t keep him from the around-the-clock panic regarding the mission. In the few moments he was free of Shiro’s troubles, he was generally absorbed in Matt’s. Matt, who had applied to the lone scientist position.

Adam needed a drink. Or several.

Which is exactly why he devised the game that sat on the table between him and Shiro, a chess board covered in small liquor bottles. “Alright, it’s exactly the same as chess. The Cognac Royal is your king, Queensland Vodka is obviously your queen, Old Steed Whiskey that’s your…” The name of the piece eluded him. “The horse-centaur guy?”

Shiro raised an eyebrow, suspicious as to whether or not Adam was already tipsy. “The...knight?” He suggested.

“Yes,” Adam held up a finger and nodded. He may or may not have drank down a few pawns prior to the start of the game. “That’s the one.”

“Okaaaay,” Shiro drawled, shaking his head in disbelief at the college frat boy-esque creation in front of him. He wasn’t as much of a drinker as Adam, nor much as much a chess player as Matt. In fact, he would have much rather enjoyed watching this game be played between the other two than partake in it himself, but neither he nor Adam had seen Matt all day. That, and the tiny bottles of alcohol were starting to look more and more tempting as his nerves over the application bubbled up again. Shiro let out a long sigh, “I guess I’m in.”

* * *

 

“Chessmate?” Shiro slurred, shaking his scrunched up face as the bitter taste of hard liquor lingered on his tongue and burned at his throat. Drinking had not, in any way, improved his chess skills.

Adam rolled his eyes, leaning the full weight of his head into his palm. He had taken Shiro’s king eight turns ago, and didn’t have the heart to let the other know that the little bottle of Jack Daniel’s in the corner was in fact a rook and not Shiro’s king. “Yeah, let’s just drink…” he grumbled. He plucked another pawn off the board, tossing the cap aside and preparing to knock back the shot as the apartment door swung open.

Matt posed ceremoniously in the doorway, one hand on the nightstick holstered in his belt, other hand on the brim of his black and blue hat. Apparently, at some point since Shiro and Adam last saw him, he had ditched his regulation orange and white garrison garb for a rather form-fitting police officer’s uniform. The dark navy of his button up shirt clung to his slender figure, showing off the bit of muscle he had been working to build up. His tie was loosened, his top few buttons left undone to expose a stretch of his bare chest and prominent collarbones. Shiro and Adam couldn’t help but let their gazes wander down, to where Matt’s pants were without a doubt at least one size too small and stretched tautly, almost salaciously over him. “You’re both under arrest,” Matt announced, struggling to speak a few octaves lower than normal, “but, you don’t have to _come_ quietly.” He gave them both a wink, striking a new pose with his hands on his hips.

Shiro gaped helplessly, too slowed by his few drinks to recover from the combined shock of the uniform and terrible line.

Adam managed to appear quite unaffected, and only gave an exasperated sigh as he slumped back into his chair. His pre-game buzz had worn off shortly into the game, and he apparently held his liquor much better than Shiro after that. He was not drunk enough for this. “Okay. I’ll bite, why are you…” he lazily gestured towards Matt, up and down his whole body, “why are you like this?”

Matt strut towards the table, awkwardly trying to swing his hips as he walked. “If I don’t get onto the mission, I need a backup plan. So, here it is!” He pulled the nightstick out of his belt and held it with both hands low in front of his crotch, “ever see a baton this big?”

“I’ve seen bigger,” Adam smirked without missing a beat, just to see the dejected look cross Matt’s face and hear Shiro’s undignified snort. “Seriously, though. A police officer? The police academy requires just as much physical training as the garrison.”

“Yeah,” Shiro agreed, finally blinking away his stupor enough to join in on the conversation. “You’ll have to be able to run more than three laps without your inhaler to get in,” he teased.

“Ha ha, very funny you two.” Matt dropped the nightstick onto the table, ignoring the protests from his roommates as he knocked over a few ‘chess pieces,’ “for your information, I just got back from a pole dancing class. This is my stripper costume. I’m gonna be a stripper.”

“Oh my god.” Maybe Adam was a bit tipsier than he initially thought if he didn’t guess that right away. Upon closer inspection, he did notice there was quite a bit about the police uniform that wasn’t exactly up to code. Namely the furry handcuffs, and… Oh no. “Your name tag says ‘Hardwood’ on it? Amazing.”

“Well, there was one that just said ‘Twink’ on it, but I think that’s a little too on the nose. I’m a subtle guy.”

Adam snickered and held his small bottle of rum out towards Matt in a mock cheers. “Cheers, bro. I’ll drink to that,” he sympathized before finally downing the shot with a clearly practiced expertise.

“Don’t encourage him!” Shiro grumbled, kicking at Adam’s leg from under the table and making him choke a little on the last bit of liquor. He paid little attention to it, turning back towards Matt and struggling to keep his eyes from glancing downwards, “Matt, you’re the youngest scientist at the top of your field. You don’t need to be a stripper.”

Matt shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t care, If I don’t get on this mission, it’s over. All or nothing. Besides,” He turned around and stuck his rear out towards his roommates, “look how great my ass looks in these pants! I even started working on a routine!” He grinned at both of them over his shoulder.

“Does your dad know about this!?” Shiro stammered, pointedly looking away from Matt’s ass as a deep scarlet flush crept up his neck.

“Wait,” Adam merely blinked, making no effort to mask that he was staring at the absolutely skin-tight pants. This was not an opportunity he was missing. “Can you show us the routine?” His words were met with another kick to the shin from Shiro.

“ADAM!”

Matt perked immediately at Adam’s request, wholly ignoring Shiro’s flustered protest. “Really? Yeah, check it out!” He took a few steps away, pausing before spinning dramatically on his heel. He aimed finger guns towards Shiro and Adam, “FREEZE! I’m gonna need you… To spread em’!” He spread his fingers with the last words, waggling his eyebrows.

“I like it so far,” Adam snorted, covering his mouth as he tried not to laugh. He scrambled to get his phone from his pocket, having every intention of recording whatever Matt was about to do.

Shiro slapped a hand over his own crimson face. “Matt. This is ridiculous, what are you-” his words were cut off by the sudden start of high BPM pop music, and he peeked between his fingers just in time to watch Matt rip the shirt of his costume away. “Oh no.”

Matt’s chest was hairless, all pale skin over lean muscle, covered in a galaxy of freckles closely packed along his shoulders and down his sternum, and more sporadically dotting the rest of his torso.

Adam’s phone clattered to the ground as Matt ripped the pants away too, leaving him in a pair of vibrantly purple, spandex boxer trunks. They left absolutely nothing to the imagination, the thin fabric looking as though it had been painted onto Matt with the way it clung to every curve. “Whoa!” Adam yelped, not having expected this to escalate quite as quickly as it did. Not that he was complaining.

Matt swung his hips to the music, shimmying his shoulders as he made his way back closer to the table. He felt around his bare torso, patting himself down. “Wait a sec, where did I put my…?” he wondered aloud with a facetiously innocent voice before squatting down, thrusting his hips out and cupping the large, prominent bulge in his boxers, “Oh there it is!” He winked, pointing to his crotch as he snapped his pelvis back and forth to the pace of the music. “Eyes down here, fellas!”

Shiro and Adam had no problem following the order, both of them blatantly staring with widened eyes. Matt’s legs were just as freckled as his upper body, with the majority of the speckles gathered densely on his upper thighs, at the hem of his trunks. Of course, their attention was drawn a bit higher than that.

“Seriously, dude, you’ve got a pretty good dick…” Adam admitted, finally feeling a flush build on his face. Though he was sure he was faring better than Shiro, who looked like he was ready to dig a pit, lay down, and die in it.

Shiro did, indeed, feel like he was ready to die as he watched, only able to manage a small squeak. He and Adam would both agree that Matt was more endowed than either would have suspected.

Matt straightened back up, spinning himself a bit further away and coming to a halt facing away from the others. He lunged down, popping his rear back before he attempted to do what Shiro and Adam assumed was the running man. It was by no means the highlight of the performance, but neither would complain as they gawked at everything around and beneath those tight purple trunks. When Matt was done with his valiant attempt at hip-hop, he aimed finger guns again at his roommates, pretending to shoot the both of them with accompanying “pew! Pew!” sound effects.

The silly action broke Adam somewhat out of his daze, making him breathe out a laugh and bring both of his hands over his heart, “you got me!”

Matt pretended to blow the smoke off of his finger guns, sashaying his way back to the table. He slid down, only losing his balance slightly as he dropped into a nearly full split. If he thought his roommates were red-faced before, that really got them. He rolled over from the split onto his back, propping himself up on his elbows and splaying his legs out in a “V” shape in the air. That won him a low whistle from one of his roommates, and a breathless curse from the other.

As soon as he got back to his feet, Matt pushed the chess board off of the table, ignoring the clanking of plastic bottles and the half-hearted protests of _“whoa, this is a chess board!”_ and _“Matt, you’re gonna hurt yourself!”_ as he hauled himself up and stood between them. He let his hands roam over himself, across his neck, sliding down his lithe torso. He bent his knees to get level with Adam and Shiro’s eyes, all while gyrating his shoulders and hips with the music. “I’m ready to enforce the law of _attraction_ on you boys,” he cooed, not caring in the slightest how cheesy it sounded. In fact, as far as he was concerned, the more he acted like he was in a low-budget porno, the better. He gave his ass a squeeze, making sure to really dig his fingers into the cushy flesh before following it up with an echoing smack.

Adam and Shiro’s jaws dropped nearly in unison. They glanced towards each other, neither quite believing this all was actually happening. It wasn’t by any means the most coordinated dance, but it was _Matthew_ freaking _Holt._ Their cute, awkward best friend who wore sweater vests, struggled to do pull-ups, and used to be too shy to take his shirt off in the locker room. Matt Holt, who was currently almost naked, giving them bedroom eyes and doing his damnedest to shake his ass like his rent was due.

Shiro thought his heart might never start beating again as Matt started actually _twerking_ just inches in front of his face. He absolutely could not watch, but could not physically force himself to tear his eyes away.

Of course, their hungry stares only spurred Matt on, giving him an extra confidence boost he didn’t quite need. He dropped to his knees and hooked his thumbs onto the front edges of those damned boxers, slowly pushing them down, revealing more skin and the start of a patch of curly auburn hair. He stopped just short of completely exposing himself, letting the boxers snap back into place. He tossed his hat away, running one hand through his already-messy hair while the other gave his bulge a quick squeeze through the thin fabric barely concealing it. The music came to an end, and Matt sank down the rest of the way to the table, sitting on his heels. He panted, his hair mussed and face flushed from exertion. “Whew! My teacher says if you don’t sweat in your crack, you’re not doing it right!” He looked back and forth between Shiro and Adam, trying to gauge their expressions while he struggled to catch his breath, “so, what did you think?”

Adam cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his shirt. He felt significantly more sober than he did a few minutes ago, yet much warmer, and with much tighter jeans. “That... Was sure something.”

Shiro slowly nodded in agreement, crossing his legs in attempt to hide the rising situation in his own pants. The glint in Matt’s eyes as he did so told him he’d been caught regardless. “You, uh… You did great.”

“Either you’re both carrying some concealed weapons, or you really do like what you see,” Matt teased, more than satisfied with their reactions.

Beyond mortified, Shiro groaned, hiding his face in his hands once again. "Can you please stop with the awful cop puns? This is embarrassing enough.”

“I can make it worse,” Adam assured. “How much for a lap dance?” He dared to ask, knowing full well he had nothing to lose, “I’m asking for a friend.”

“ADAM!”

Matt grinned wickedly, plucking the handcuffs off of his belt and twirling them around on his finger, “I don’t know about lap dances, but I’m definitely open to some… Under-covers work.”

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot promise to have been sober writing this.  
> Also, my version of Adam is just sort of a smoother, more scheming version of Matt? He's still meme trash, but with more confidence, less chill, and significantly less fucks to give.  
> But, anyways, those are all the words I have y'all. For now, the rest is up to your imagination. Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
